I often look at people who are able to hold their tongue and stay quiet in admiration. As a person who was never taught that there was a difference between men and women (because there isn't) and that you should speak your mind and you should speak up, I do. It is often my worst and least appealing trait. People often think I come off as cocky, too strong, set in my ways, sometimes confident, powerful, bitchy, the list goes on. Anything negative associated with power and female - that's what you get with me. Believe me, it's not a good thing and is often looked down upon by many men and more women. However, don't think people are afraid to ask for help when they need someone to speak up for them. I am known to defend the battles of others more than I can say.
In any workplace or school place environment, people encourage open communication. In fact, they want it. That is, until they get it. Once you start communicating, people back up and fear that you are actually doing what they ask. You want feedback, you get feedback. However, those shy and quiet folks often are given the benefit of the doubt and seen as the people want to be around the most. Again, I envy them tremendously because I am not like that. In fact, I HATE that I am not like that. But, what these people are actually doing, is directly showing you their feelings. That maybe they don't want to be called on for an answer, or that they are openly afraid to meet new people, that maybe they have been hurt in their past and it's very difficult for them to start over. All of the things we all feel, but may not say out loud. I admire their ability to be open and honest about their feelings so people know outright how they feel and can make a judgment on their character right then and there (because they will, believe me).
Then you have the "me" types. We do speak our minds and ask a lot of questions and walk with our heads held high. Am I wrong, or is this just another facade? It seems so simple to me. In fact, it seems that the people who are acting so confident might in fact be less confident? Now, don't get me wrong, there are a few things I know about myself and I have fully accepted them and am I OK with them. I typically get right back up after having my legs kicked from underneath me. Those of you who know me well, know that this is my strongest trait. But that doesn't mean I am great at everything. In fact, I am just as afraid as everyone else. No one wants to be hurt and exposed. It is truly one of the hardest things in the world.
However, I do believe in leading by example and if I am going to complain about it, I will accept my piece in it. I am cocky because I am scared and have been hurt by the people you should NEVER be hurt by. And not just a little bit, like the WORST kind of hurt. Something psychology, conflict management and resolution and social work combined cant put a solution to. However, I am still going. This is not about being victim, it is about saying hey, here are my flaws, I am going to over come all of this anyway!
So, I will leave this brief blog on this note. Go easy, not everyone is what they appear. We are all here trying to get through this thing together. Some of us just don't show it as well as others.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Plato
