Miss Sacha Martinez, I miss you like crazy. You went to start your new life almost one year ago and I have not had the energy or guts to write about how much I miss you because then I would have to deal with it. The time has come.
I got Miss Sacha when she was seven weeks old and I was 20. That was a very long time ago! She nuzzled up to my friend, a man, and he was of course in love. She did not warm up to me so quickly. She was the runt of a mixed pack of Golden Retriever and Australian Shepherd mixed pups. The little girls of the house named her "Princess," but I just couldn't stand that. I renamed her Sacha. She was so tiny that she fit in the palm of my hand and I couldn't resist her either. We got her.
After getting home and making her a little bed next to mine, and her crying all night for her biological mother, I decided to bring her in the bed with me. She nibbled on my ears all night and fussed around. No one got any sleep. The next morning she woke up and walked down toward the end of the bed, near my leg, squatted down and peed on me. Yes, she urinated on my leg. I felt that she was marking her territory. From that moment on, I knew she was mine.
We grew together and she was very trainable. I put her in a fence like area in the kitchen and locked her in when we left. Of course I came home and she had not only gotten out, but somehow unlocked the gate and walked out on her own and proceeded to shred my house. She was a terror.
She would take my bra's, underwear and pantyhose and bring them out into the living room while we had guests and nibble on them.
Once she got into my boyfriends stash and ate all that green stuff. Yes, every bit, which was a lot. She was so stoned that she was falling over while lying down. That was a riot. I took her to the vet because she was incontinent, and they kept her for the night. The next morning when I picked her up, they told me to pick up some twinkies and munchies for the dog on the way home.
She became so well trained that she would stand on her hind legs and look out the windows and doors. She was a circus dog. Everyone that met her, loved her. She was the ideal perfect dog. She grew to about 55 pounds at her largest and 40 at her smallest when she got old.
As life changes, so do the people you surround yourself with. I went through many breakups with boyfriends, very depressed and hopeless times in my life, some serious family issues that caused extreme heartache, a car accident and even the adoption of a cat and another dog. The one thing that always remained was her.
I remember driving down the street with her in my car and having a friend follow us from her car behind. My friend said, "Mic, you and Sacha look exactly the same from behind with your pigtails and her ears!!" Our bond was priceless and there are no words to fully express the relationship we had.
After adopting a cat, Largeman, and another dog, JD, she was pretty ticked off for a while. But she was always by my side.
We had a car accident that eventually took the life of my other dog, JD. It also damaged Sacha's feelings about being in the car. This was unusual because we went everywhere together. She survived, he didn't. That was and still is a very difficult part of my life to overcome and I think how Sacha never cried or complained about anything. While I sit here and cry and complain daily. What a dog...
As she started getting older, my ex-husband would carry her up and down the stairs so she could sleep in our room. That was a bond that could never be replaced. My ex-husband and her. He never had animals and bonded with them the way I have. He loved her dearly and did everything for her in her older years.
When it came time to consider quality of life and quantity of life, I struggled tremendously. She had come 16 years with me and was all I knew and the only consistent thing in my adult life. We would feed her Ensure through push needles to make sure she was getting nourishment. I remember looking into her eyes every night and thinking how scared I was to let her go. We even brought her up to the bed with us for the last few days and I remember just looking into each others eyes. She didn't want to leave me either...
The day finally came when we had to make the decision and we asked a wonderful woman to come and do it in our home. With her head in my lap, she took her last breaths, while didn't take any. She kept fighting to hang on. I wanted her to know it was OK to go. She finally let go and my ex-husband broke down while I just stared in amazement that this was real. They left me alone with her for a moment and I broke down. My baby who has been my best friend for 16 years was gone. They took her away and cremated her so I could have her ashes and clipped some of her hair.
A year and a divorce later, I think of her every day. I know she is always with me. I have no doubt. One day, I took out her clipped hair and Largeman came to sniff it and started to try and rub it and touch it. He misses her too.
I waited almost a year before getting another dog. I wanted to grieve her properly (for me) and get to a better place. I have realized that my life is not a good place without a dog. So we recently adopted one. He is a Golden Retriever and I am POSITIVE Sacha and JD helped pick him out for me. He has many similar qualities of both of them. He is too good to not have been sent by them. My life is now a little bit more full with Buck around.
I have friends who lose their animals and I always say to remember all of the precious moments. Those precious moments to me are looking into her eyes at the end, holding her while she moved to the next level in life, thinking of what a terror she was as a pup. All of these things are precious. And they are mine. There will never be another moment as precious as those with the people and animals you love. No matter how hard they are or happy, remember that they are YOURS.
I miss you, Miss Sacha. Every day. But I know in my heart that you are always guiding and protecting me from a better place. Who could ask for anything better than that? Take care of Auntie, Del and JD and I will see you soon, my friend.
