As a younger person, my family moved a lot. We lived in almost every neighborhood in the Denver metro area. It sucked because we never actually left Denver, we just went to Littleton, or Arvada, or Aurora. Where's the fun in that if you stay in the same state? Anyway, change was constant growing up. And with an unstable family situation, we never knew what was going to happen, so we were always ready at a moments notice for anything. So, maybe this is part of my resistance to change? It could very well be.
As I have gotten older and of course more wise, without children, I have become extremely protective of other peoples children. Psychologists insert your analysis here. Anyway, I am extremely concerned for everyone's security - especially their kids. I want to be sure that people are safe. This society has turned into a very unsafe place to live. As a kid, we had so much more freedom than the kids do now. I remember a story Chris Rock told in one of his hour long comedies about how kids started off with a nice big back yard to play in and it has slowly started to shrink over the years to the point where they have to hop up and down in one square foot of an area. It's true! We aren't safe. Talk about change and fear!
So, after spending many of my adult years, six to be exact, getting my bachelors degree at my university while working full time, I of course embodied the Jesuit tradition and my university mission - "men and women in service of others." Christianity is of course part of my religious views and all of what I grew up in. I respect the views tremendously and realize many people don't, but since when do I do what everyone else does? Anyhow, I was very moved by my education and started having a strong desire to work there. I tried for years to get into my university applying constantly. I knew I wanted to teach there. I just knew it. I persevered and finally got in.
I got a tech support job which I don't always prefer, but that is the largest part of my experience and what everyone tends to notice on my resume. They were asking for a "true team spirited" person who could support the product. The job description was totally me.
As I started in the first month, it was IDEAL. I loved it. People were nice and helped me. My boss explained things, once, not twice. I asked him to check my work, but he never did. I started to notice this piece of software literally had NO documentation on the product and how to use it. None from the university and none from the company who designed it. Am I the only one who thinks that's weird? Anyway, guess who started writing it? You got it - me.
After a month, the girls started showing their true cattiness and it got really uncomfortable and I was outnumbered. Remember, I come from a male dominated industry, so I was taken off guard. I was VERY uncomfortable and becoming miserable. My boss didn't know what to do because he was a new manager. He seemed to just not want to have any problems. Just want everything to run smoothly. The other people on our team had been doing their jobs for a while before he was their manager and didn't need his assistance. It had nothing to do with what we did, so they never talked to him. Did I mention I took over his old job?
The next thing I know he was targeting me and trying to find flaws in my work. At least it felt like it. I moved my cube to get out of the line of fire of the two girls who made me extremely uncomfortable and honestly, my boss. He didn't want to help, he wanted me to figure things out without his help and without documentation. I don't learn that way and it started to get really bad. I was very discouraged. and beyond that, none of them were involved with the university mission work. I was TOTALLY bummed. What did I walk into?
So, at this point my boss and I talked and he tried to get me to quit. I couldn't afford to quit, so he said he was going to work on the process of termination. It of course wasn't this smooth, but for confidentiality reasons, I can't speak details of this conversation, but I will say much respect was lost during this time frame. I also talked to HR in this process and neither were much help. HR said he couldn't help. This was prior to my termination. How is that possible? Anyway, they made me wait 1.5 weeks for my termination papers. I came in and worked while waiting. When I got my papers (my boss called in sick that day), they didn't say anything on what the boss and I talked about. HR made up some crazy letter that didn't match. I would recommend no one from that university use HR, they will stab you in the back, FYI. You know who you are. I was so mad after I left, I called the president. He had the vice president call me back. She agreed that my bosses email sounded NOTHING like the letter of termination and was quite confused. I asked her if "when an employee who is a student leaves the university, is this how you treat all of them? Are you concerned about the relationships that remain with those university students afterward?" She agreed it was out of hand and put a note in my file.
I am still very upset at the way things played out. I held the university in such high regard and got let down, BAD. I guess I had kind of glorified them and didn't want to let go of that. I knew that things weren't working for a very long time, but I held on for a full five months. Hoping something would change.
The point of this blog, is I started turning into this miserable person to maintain something that I was not meant to be a part of. I held on to something that was turning me into a bad person. If we resist change, it's going to change us for the bad, not the good. Sometimes we have to let go of those "cherished beliefs" in order to start the life we are meant to live. I am sure that's a quote, but I don't know who from, so forgive me if I am not quoting it properly. The point is, fearing change and doing nothing about it can be potentially detrimental. It is critical you realize those signs and don't ignore them. No matter how close they are to our hearts, we need to move forward and accept the change that is meant to make us the people we are meant to be.
“If you don't create change, change will create you”
Unknown
